February 27, 2010
I gained 30 pounds after getting back from Italy last July. As of today I’ve only lost 8 of it. Extra weight is hard. I just don’t know what to do with it or where to put it when I get dressed. It is a burden and it literally weighs me down.
Fifteen times I’ve resolved to lose the weight and I barely ever make it past the first week. Somehow, somewhere I’ve lost my drive. I’ve misplaced my ambition. Being thin has become a lesser calling.
Something in my mindset needs to change. I’m just not sure what.
February 26, 2010
Maybe it’s because she could be walking with all my daughters and seem like one of them… maybe it’s because I have this uncanny, inexplicable love for her films… Or maybe it’s because she has the only voice with a Midwest accent that I really could listen to all day… I can’t help myself, I love her.
February 25, 2010
A brilliant look into the dynamics of a family after the loss of their mother. Wonderfully done.
February 12, 2010
Everything
by A.R. Ammons
You came one day and
as usual in such matters
significance filled everything–
your eyes, the way you turned,
leaned, stood, or sat,
this way or that: when
you left, the area around here rose
a tilted tide, and everything that
offers desolation drained away.
Beautiful beautiful words.
My daughter shared this with me.
I am so grateful.
February 11, 2010
This may be my favorite song EVER.
February 10, 2010
This was sent to me by my daughter:
"Hey you guys. I just found this test while looking for stuff on language for my presentation in April. It’s really cool! I thought you guys might have fun taking it, too. Try not to look at other people’s results before you take the test.
It was developed by two guys Kuhn and McPartland in 1954: Twenty Statement Test (TST)
There are twenty numbered blanks on the page below. Please write twenty answer to the simple question “Who am I?” in these blank. Just give twenty different answers to this question; answer as if you were giving the answers to yourself- not someone else. Write your answers in the order that they occur to you. Don’t worry about logic or “importance.” WHO AM I?"
- A Mother
- A Frustrated Poet
- An Athlete who is desperately out of shape and damaged
- An Artist who finds excuses to not create
- A Grandmother who would die for her kid’s kids
- A Perfectionist living in a land of slobbie slobs
- A Woodworker with no shop
- A Writer whose voice has been lost
- A Person in a crowd who is somewhat alone
- A Creancer
- A Quitter who struggles to finish
- A Whisper in a world of shouts
- A Christian who doesn’t like Christianity
- A Thinker living in the midst of chaotic thought
- A mismanaged life
- A Fifty year old woman with dreams
- A Fifty year old woman with regrets
- A sister
- A Friend
- A daughter
February 9, 2010
Every blog post I’ve written in the last Four years has been benign. Listless. Five minutes after I write them, they feel insignificant. The content is of meaning to me yet even I read them like a slideshow of other people’s grandchildren I’ve been forced to watch during an obligatory visit. I bore myself.
I’ve reflected on this. Over and over.
All my communication seems blatantly truthful. And it is. Blatantly truthful. Honest. Dull.
I have a fascination with this wholly sedate side of my life’s truth. It is necessary. Necessary for stability. Necessary to mask my unrest. Maybe necessary to tame it.
I don’t like it. I need a new form for my honesty. I need change.
February 8, 2010
I’ve decided to prioritize my days in a different way. I am not accomplishing as much as I thought I would this year so something has to change. I have lost 11 of the 50 lbs I wanted to lose but that is mainly because I had a three day bout with the flu that left me weak and thinner. I don’t recommend that as a diet plan. I haven’t read any books or finished any projects. I have cleaned up an awful wood mess behind my house that mr. husband created.
I have lots of excuses as to why I am getting less and less productive. None all that great. Most not good at all. I think I’ll go read my Resolutions for this year and get back on track.
